Amid the catastrophic blaze that took down a significant portion of Notre Dame Cathedral, there were claims that an image of Jesus Christ hovered in the flames.  Similarly, when Dr. Katie Bouman merged the capabilities of several long-range telescopes via a newly developed mathematical algorithm to produce the world’s first image of a black hole, some scientists claimed to see the visage of Baltimore Mayor Catherine Pugh.  Rather than deep space, her honor finds herself in deep shit after the FBI and IRS raided her house and offices at City Hall.  Pugh sold a half million dollars-worth of her unaccounted-for children’s books to the University of Maryland Medical System while a sitting board member and followed up as mayor by trading $300,000 in book sales to Kaiser Permanente for a $48 million city contract to provide health insurance to public employees.

Reputedly, Ms. Pugh is on suicide watch in a secret location. And while it might be difficult to believe, there is a silver lining in all this: The Washington state legislature just passed a bill that allows human bodies to be composted and used as fertilizer.  In other words, the mayor still has a chance to be of service to mankind.  For those of us over 50, we cannot help but recall Soylent Green, the 1973 futuristic thriller where the populace is secretly turned into eco-hued granola bars. Given the rapid evolution of technology, fanciful movie ideas (think: Dick Tracy’s walkie talkie wristwatch or Total Recall’s self-driving taxis) are now a reality.  So Soylent Green it is for the 7,800 Boy Scout troop leaders who have molested their charges since WWII.  After that, we can enjoy a cornucopia of Republican politicians and their fascist judges. And don’t fret if this fodder were to prove addictive (think: opioids) as God has provided a nearly inexhaustible supply of Catholic priests.

Never to be?  Such delusions are, admittedly, the bastard offspring of frustration and disgrace.  To wit: Congress remains unable to get Trump’s tax returns despite the documented fraud and tax evasion that forced his sister from the federal bench.  Conceding that Fox News and the White House were right all along that the Mueller investigation was a colossal waste of time.  Watching the self-immoliating jumble of Democratic presidential candidates drive an SUV full of our children’s hopes off a cliff like those lesbian moms in Mendocino. Just for once, once, couldn’t things work out like they did for that Rhino poacher in South Africa’s Kruger National Park?  Seeking to sell the animals’ horns to crazy rich Asians for as much as $4,000 per pound, the interloper was trampled by an elephant and subsequently eaten by lions. Poetic justice, indeed.

As I averred in my last missive, the Chinese are by far the most voracious consumers of American higher education; they make Felicity Huffman and Laurie Laughlin look like rank amateurs.  Sherry Guo’s parents coughed up $1.2 million to get her into Yale (she has since been given the toe) while another mainland family funneled $6.5 million in bribes through Rick Singer’s spurious charity to get their precious little jewel into an elite university.

But this is actually good news.  With National Economic Council director Larry Kudlow visibly impaired by his cocaine addiction, trade negotiations with China fell to Steven Mnuchin, the bumbling Treasury Secretary, and U.S. Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer, an ardent nationalist hell bent on curtailing China’s penchant for intellectual property theft and forced technology transfers.  Well, not until they’ve fully incorporated Boeing’s flawed 737 Max architecture and fatal anti-stall software. But in the end, if we are to make a dent in the $200 billion U.S.-Sino trade deficit we need to either continue bilking susceptible Chinese millionaires or stop buying their contaminated pet food and toxic drywall.