When Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) avowed that Brett Kavanaugh was no Bill Cosby, I haughtily preened, knowing full well he read my prior missive which, it is widely acknowledged, first offered the analogy.  Sadly, my ardor was short-lived; only days later the Senator bulgingly deprecated Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s stirringly credible testimony with a bitchy outburst in which he indignantly dismissed the hearings as a sham (apparently, witch hunt had already been taken).

Admittedly, some elements of the proceedings are, in fact, a sham.  Kavanaugh’s ersatz tears, for example.  And, more disturbingly, the FBI’s so-called investigation into Judge Cosby’s conduct that was so surgically constrained as to exclude dozens of key witnesses, most notably Julie Swetnick, who claims that the Judge facilitated gang rapes in high school.  While many on the left believe his alcoholism and penchant for assaulting women should preclude him from coaching a 7th grade girls’ basketball team let alone serving on the Supreme Court, it is patently obvious that the FBI’s feckless report will offer up little more than political cover for Sens. Murkowski (R-AK) and Collins (R-ME) to cast their affirmative votes.

Demonstrably powerless, both Democrats and the media have been reduced to crying  “hypocrisy” when the Republicans trample over the very rules they set down for the rest of us.   To that end, then congressman Graham’s 1999 speech demanding President Clinton’s impeachment has ascended to the meme du jour.  “[If] your conduct as a public official is clearly out of bounds,” argued the lawmaker, “you don’t have to be convicted of a crime to lose your job (think: Trump) in this Constitutional Republic…  You couldn’t live with yourself knowing that you were going to leave a perjuring judge (think: Kavanaugh) on the bench.” “Ladies and gentlemen,” he hammered on, “as hard as it may be for the same reason, cleanse this office!”   Yet many Graham supporters argue the video is not an equitable portrayal; modern forensic examination of the audio portion, they claim, reveals what Graham actually demanded was “cleanse his orifice!”

Either way, many folks think it’s high time for Lindsey to come out of the closet.  Given that Backpage and Craigslist personal ads have gone the way of the dinosaur, it’s probably difficult for Graham to make new chums on the sly.   So why not Instagram your sexts to fresh-faced staffers à la Mark Foley or Vimeo your forays into mephitic toilet stalls with Larry Craig?

Earlier this week, a brassed off Aston Villa fan hurled a cabbage at manager Steve Bruce; the Birmingham soccer club hastily responded by offering free season tickets and canning the skipper despite his reaching the league playoffs last season.  A solitary victory out of the last 10 matches was no doubt the proximate cause of the termination, but nonetheless the episode has been swiftly crafted into a parable of how a single voice from outside the corridors of power was able to effect great change.

And this is exactly what Mitch McConnell and his cadre of old white Christian men is fervently trying to stamp out.  It is not a question of whether they believe Brett Kavanaugh’s version of events; they don’t.  In fact, they would rather the commonweal was in on the ruse.  For what they seek, in the end, is for you to swallow that they are smugly putting a rapist on the Supreme Court to overturn Roe v Wade.  Further, we must witness – adding insult to injury – their arrogant revelry and self-congratulations over the inability of any whiny female to stop them.  In their estimation, women are not people; they’re chattel and accordingly should suffer the wounds of sexual abuse (and unwanted pregnancy) in silence and quit being such a God damn nuisance.  I am left to wonder, then, if they would still consider their colleague an equal if they imagined him bent-kneed on the drippy end of a glory hole.