Sure, I didn’t exactly go out on a limb in attacking the Catholic Church as the bastion of sexual predation, but it was only days later a Pennsylvania grand jury wrote, “There have been other reports about child sex abuse within the Catholic Church.  But never on this scale.  But all of them were brushed aside… by church leaders who preferred to protect the abusers and their institution above all.”

The report went on to name over 300 priests who raped more than 1,000 boys and girls.  Wait, girls?

                                Priest: Know why I like 10-year-old girls?

                                Bishop: No. Why?

                                Priest: Because they have an ass like a 7-year-old boy.

Even Pope Francis himself is under fire.  Ex-papal nuncio Carlo Maria Viganò published an open letter criticizing his Holiness for restoring (think: Trump’s pardon of Scooter Libby) Cardinal Theodore McCarrick who was sanctioned by his predecessor for decades of sexually abusing seminarians within his ambit.  While state legislatures consider extending statutes of limitation, attorneys general are finally, finally issuing subpoenas and initiating large-scale investigations.  Yet the seminal query still remains: Nail them to a cross or burn them alive?

Though the bird-like mannerisms and smarmy affect of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh do make me question whether he’s a kiddie fiddler, there are larger issues at stake.  To wit: Senator Susan Collins (R-ME) disclosed that in a private meeting Kavanaugh convinced her that he believed Roe v. Wade to be binding.  Yet in a leaked 2003 email, the judge opined, “I am not sure that all legal scholars refer to Roe as the settled law of the land at the Supreme Court level since Court can always overrule its precedent, and three current Justices on the Court would do so.”  When pressed about the apparent conflict, Collins threw up her hands and quipped, “ironic, isn’t it?”

With the surety now of Kavanaugh granting him immunity, President Trump has shifted his focus from Mueller to the numerous children who are being molested along the border. Perhaps jealous of all those clerics constantly diddling away behind closed doors, he is salivating over the prospect of prolonging the detention of immigrant minors.  The plot twist, then, is that contrary to the Donald’s protestations, it’s we who’ve been raping the Mexicans and not the other way around.   Nothing in the news, however, is more paradoxical that the revelation that Italian actress Asia Argento, one of the first and loudest accusers of Harvey Weinstein, herself sexually assaulted a 17-year old boy and paid him $380,000 to clam up.

No doubt it’s a Bizarro World where the Liar-in-Chief decries fake news, the Secretary of Education plagiarizes, a Supreme Court nominee commits perjury and I no longer want to be Elon Musk. Yet one thing is for certain, one thing remains the loadstone of our democracy; come November the Democrats will trip over their own shoelaces and fumble away the bounty that has been handed to them on a silver platter.

Unelectable.  Believe it or not, the left is putting up candidates who are actually less viable than Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA).   Voters in California’s 50 district are being asked to elect Ammar Campa-Najjar, whose Palestinian grandfather was a terrorist at the 1972 Munich Olympic games.  What? Was Osama Bin Laden’s brother not available? In the Florida governor’s race, the Dems have offered up Tallahassee mayor Andrew Gillum who is the subject of a state ethics probe as well as an FBI investigation related to developer kickbacks.  While this kind of impropriety would never impede a Republican like, say, Duncan Hunter or Chris Collins, it is a death knell for a Democrat.  In all actuality, the groping that brought down – rather swiftly, I may add – Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) wouldn’t even be considered foreplay by Stormy McDaniels or Karen McDougal.

But here’s the silver lining for Mayor McCheese and the rest of the Democrats: While we may be in vastly disparate camps regarding Nike’s latest ad campaign, we will soon become inexorably linked.  Because once Kavanaugh dons his vestments we’re all gonna take it in the ass.