As the noose tightens around the Orange Julius-colored neck of Donald Trump, it would be improvident – if not purely masturbatory – to posit the potential timeline for his departure or to divine the specifics of his decampment.  By the time the convoluted logic of Trump supporters becomes more a curiosity than a threat and long after the last tear gas cannister has been swept from the streets of Portland, the Supreme Court will continue, with contumelious glee, to impose its neo-Conservative (medieval?) agenda upon a gelded polity. With the bench’s liberal minority rendered superfluous for a full quarter century, the alt-right will undoubtedly obtain the overturn of Roe v. Wade so don’t be surprised if they gun for Brown v. the Board of Education to boot.  In sum, we are but one Trump appointment away from living out some kind of Handmaid’s Tale where rights accrue only to white Christian males and toxic corporate polluters.

The linchpin to this momentous change is U. S. Circuit Court Judge Brett Kavanaugh, the former Ken Starr hatchet man who not only promoted the specious theory that Bill Clinton’s public misstatements constituted obstruction of justice but also authored the most salacious questions presented during the Lewinsky interrogation.  “I am strongly opposed to giving the President any break,” wrote Kavanaugh, pressing the Independent Counsel to query, “If Monica Lewinsky says that you ejaculated into her mouth on two occasions in the Oval Office area, would she be lying?”

Though Kavanaugh averred, during the Clinton administration, that “the President should be required to shoulder the same obligations we all carry,” he has since changed his tune. “The indictment and trial of a sitting [Republican] President,” he now holds, “would cripple the federal government, rendering it unable to function with credibility in either the international or domestic arenas. Such an outcome would ill serve the public interest, especially in times of financial or national security crisis.”  In essence, the judge argues that the President is far too busy managing the affairs of state in a complex world to be hindered by the rule of law.  Look, when you’re playing 50 rounds of golf a year and taking August off, there simply isn’t time for Stormy Daniels’ pesky depositions or Robert Mueller’s importune arraignments.

Clearly, Kavanaugh seeks reversal of Clinton v. Jones, but perhaps more disturbingly he wants to see United States v. Nixon undone as well.  “Nixon was wrongly decided,” he wrote in 1999, “by holding that the courts had power and jurisdiction to order the president to disclose information in response to a subpoena sought by a subordinate.”  In other words, by being elected to the Presidency, Kavanaugh reasons, a Republican becomes immune to both civil and criminal litigation.

While Sen. Jeff Merkley (D-OR) has pointed out the obvious – “A President under investigation should never be allowed to appoint a Justice to the Supreme Court.” – the only way to ensure Kavanaugh obtains a Robert Bork redux is to dig up, in the words of Jules Winnfield, some fucked-up repugnant shit.  Perchance that is why Sens. Feinstein (D-CA) and Grassley (R-IA) have requested the National Archives provide all emails and documents related to Kavanaugh’s time in the Bush administration during its foray into waterboarding and domestic wiretapping.  While there is already a case to be made that Kavanaugh lied during his 2006 confirmation to the U. S. Circuit court, perjury, unfortunately, no longer carries the stigma it once did (note: Jeff Sessions, Steven Mnuchin, Betsy DeVos, etc., etc.).

While the good Senators do our bidding, we should in the meantime probably investigate why Mr. Kavanaugh spent 7 years coaching pre-adolescent girls’ basketball.  A practicing Catholic, Kavanaugh is admittedly a member of the world’s largest and best organized pedophile ring, so it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch…  except for, you know, the skin around the openings.  Yeah, yeah, but before you get all indignant, remember this: Though Hillary Clinton is no longer relevant, she did teach us one thing; taking the high road is the express lane to Loserville.