After tweeting that Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg’s ban “bossy” campaign was adversative, a friend chided my restraint via Direct Message.  I should have been more malicious (viz. Oil slick suggests Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 was swallowed by Sandberg’s genital maw) because without “bossy”, he noted, we glide rather swiftly from amenable to “cunty”, as in:

Use of such b- and c-words does help compose a more nuanced and measured spectrum of descriptors; you’d probably fashion a pretty good take on my domestic situation if I said my wife might be bossy, but Jan Brewer is downright cunty.  And lest you think me a misogynist, I believe Gov. Christie (R-NJ) is fairly cunty, too.

Back before Valentine’s Day, I noted that Christie, whose lap-band surgery betrayes his utter lack of discipline, was buying political allegiance with Port Authority funds and, more disturbingly, withholding Hurricane Sandy relief from recalcitrant mayors. The New York Times has since chronicled a far wider and more blatant system of graft:  By killing a much-needed tunnel project, Christie was able to divert Port Authority resources into New Jersey’s near-bankrupt Transportation Trust Fund.  At the same time he pushed for a useless retrofit of the Bayonne Bridge as a means to secure the endorsement of unions that had previously opposed him. Trenton’s inner workings had become so Machiavellian that nothing was overlooked when it came to buying votes; even the steel recovered from the Twin Towers was alchemized into political bitcoins.

That same article contrasted Russia’s ursine audacity with America’s rodent-like furtiveness.  While our attempts at boldness rarely work out (think: Vietnam, Iraq), Mr. Putin gobbled up Crimea in less time than it would take Mr. Christie to deterge his feculent bedclothes.  Though President Obama responded by freezing the assets of high-ranking Russian diplomats, White House sources admit that the amounts in question are rather de minimis; State Department records show seizure of two Naughty America porn accounts and a Subway sandwich rewards card.

I had also predicted that Darren Sharper would face rape charges beyond those in California and Louisiana.  Since then, Arizona has handed down multiple indictments although slow-footed investigators in Nevada and Florida say they need bit more time.  His “consensual sex” defense, I posited, held little promise given the sheer volume of accusations.  At this point, his only chance at avoiding a life behind bars is to join the military, where sexual assault convictions are exceedingly rare — in fact, the Pentagon estimates only 2.5% of cases are even prosecuted — as evidenced by the plea bargain obtained by Brig. Gen. Jeffrey Sinclair.  Under terms of the agreement, the General will plead guilty to adultery and mistreating his accuser in exchange for the Army dropping charges of sexual assault and sodomy (purportedly Sharper’s “go to” move).

While Sens. Claire McCaskill (D-MO) and Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) duel over whether prosecutorial powers should remain within the chain of command, the stain of politics is sloshing over military courtrooms.  Last year, in an interview on the subject of rape in the ranks, the President declared, “I expect consequences. If we find out somebody’s engaging in this, they’ve got to be held accountable — prosecuted, stripped of their positions, court martialed, fired, dishonorably discharged. Period.”  Unfortunately, the President’s forthrightness has undermined his very directive.  To wit: Defense attorneys in two military sexual assault cases convinced Navy Judge Cmdr. Marcus Fulton that the defendants could not be punitively discharged because the above comments made by President Obama as commander in chief would unduly influence any potential sentencing.  In the Sinclair case, Presiding Judge Col. James Pohl cited the same “unlawful command influence” as a basis for dismissing the most egregious charges.  In the final analysis, then, both the unwitting Mr. Obama and cunty Ms. Sandberg would have been better served by keeping their respective opinions to themselves.