Well, the Chicago White Sox have done it, claiming their first championship since 1917. Players on the official World Series roster will receive a fat bonus (well over $100,000) and a nice, shiny ring to commemorate their victory. Given the momentous occasion, a few extra pieces of bling should be handed out as well. First to iconic Sox slugger Frank Thomas who was sidelined due to injury, second to the Cardinals’ Albert Pujols who’s dramatic two-out ninth-inning home run mangled the Astros’ pitching rotation by forcing a game six in the League Championship series and, last but not least, to Shoeless Joe Jackson, unfairly tainted in the bribery scandal of 1919.

That the Sox won absent any black players (the two on the regular season roster weren’t included on the reduced series team) was a source of consternation to Hall of Fame announcer Joe Morgan: “Of course I noticed it. How could you not … [In fact] there are two or three teams that didn’t have any African-American players this year.” Overall, the numbers are stark — and worsening. Thirty years ago, one in four baseball players was black — the number now stands at one in ten. By way of contrast, two thirds of NFL athletes are African-American while the NBA would exclusively black if not for the recent trend of importing white players from Europe. No doubt, race is always a touchy subject, yet my jaw dropped when the network, prior to game 4, paraded out the Baseball Latino Legends team. These were clearly great players, but why give them special recognition simply because of their heritage? The demographics of Houston are well established, but was Fox employing a double standard? They would be vilified, for example, for celebrating the greatest Caucasian players in history. I, however, have no such limitations:

C Johnny Bench
1B Lou Gehrig
2B Rogers Hornsby
SS Cal Ripken
3B Mike Schmidt
OF Babe Ruth
OF Ted Williams
OF Mickey Mantle
SP Walter Johnson
SP Roger Clemens
SP Sandy Koufax
RP Rollie Fingers

But enough of that already. Leaves are falling, holiday decorations are cluttering store windows and the baseball season is as forgotten as Scooter Libby’s indictment. Time to move on. In fact, the word in Washington is that the Cheney’s have already rented out his room. Ironically, Libby may soon be provided lodging by the very government against which he committed treason. Ah, only in America.

Across the pond, the death of two North African teens fleeing the police sparked a weeklong riot in which religious fanatics have torched the outskirts of Paris. Not surprisingly, French politicians are alternately dithering and posturing for 2007’s elections. With (predominantly non-assimilated) Muslims comprising 10% of the population, a hamstrung President Jaques Chirac meekly declared, “Emotions must quiet down.” Europeans are, in a word, fucked and it’s not that we don’t savor their demise; it’s just that here at home things happen differently. Religious zealots rarely take to American streets; rather they attempt to destroy our society by infiltrating local school boards and stacking the Supreme Court with activist Richelieus.

And they’re achieving measured success. With Harriet Miers relegated to the trivia pile, we are left with Judge Samuel Alito who supports strip searching 10-year-old girls without a warrant and decrees that battered wives require their husband’s permission for an abortion. Meanwhile, The Kansas Board of Education has implemented biblical standards for teaching science. Evolution is out and Creationism is in. Unfortunately for those who prefer not to characterize natural phenomena as an extension of mythology, the Democrats are too craven to raise a stink. They’re so worried about offending some allegorical church-going soccer mom that they sit mutely in the corner staring at their shoes like some socially inept third grader. But the National Academy of Sciences and the National Science Teachers Association are fighting back. Threatening to “put the students of Kansas at a competitive disadvantage,” the groups pulled all their copyrighted material out of the state’s classrooms. It’s a brilliant strategy and, remarkably, Conservatives are already growing dumber. During the Watergate investigation, President Nixon was named as an “unindicted co-conspirator,” a term far too polysyllabic for today’s intellectually challenged Republicans. As such, special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald, with language worthy of “My Pet Goat,” simply tagged Karl Rove as “Official A.”