They say that revenge is a dish best served cold; Cowboys fans are no doubt smacking their lips after Roy Williams crippled receiver Terrell Owens four long years after he taunted them with two post-touchdown poses on the 50 yard line of Texas Stadium. Given the bitch slapping administered by George Teague on the midfield star, Owens must have thought his Karmic debt was definitely paid in full when his agent’s negligence last year consigned him to Baltimore.

A miraculous trade to Philly and a two-handed grab of Nicollette Sheridan’s surgical enhancements on prime-time TV augured well, but then a mangled leg sidelined TO and dented his team’s chances to see Janet Jackson’s nipple up close. If the Eagles manage to lose their fourth-straight NFC championship game on Sunday, they’ll supplant the Buffalo Bills as football’s all-time greatest disappointment. Fumbling away four Super Bowls in a row did land Marv Levy in the Hall of Fame, but another Eagles choke job will hardly make coach Andy Reid a worthy candidate.

Of vast greater import than the Super Bowl’s particular combatants are its spectators: Witness the hype over the specially produced television commercials or the Herculean efforts to upgrade halftime festivities from the regular season’s tiresome mix of high school marching bands and Frisbee-catching dogs. Well, thank God for Duval County Judge Charles Cofer. When a case was brought against three homeless men who were arrested for imbibing and vomiting in Treaty Oak Park, his honor swiftly ruled that Jacksonville’s ban on public drinking is unconstitutional. No mention was made of the barf, but, Hell, anyone attending Mardi Gras or Manhattan’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade can verify that copious rivers of puke will spring from sidewalk revelry assuredly as night follows day. Just make sure you wear your boots.

If you’re heading off to the game without your parents, however, you might want to leave your butt plug at home. The Supreme Court just refused to overturn a 1977 Florida statute prohibiting homosexuals from adopting children. The ACLU had been optimistic after Texas’ anti-sodomy law was struck down two years ago, but failed to persuade justices to extend the right to privacy tenet to the Florida case. Yet the argument that the state is attempting to safeguard the welfare of children remains laughable. Unwed mothers, drug addicts and even those with a history of domestic violence are not proscribed from becoming adoptive parents. Although, to their credit, authorities did demote a child welfare employee after a 4-month-old child under her supervision was beaten to death. At any rate, because gays and lesbians can serve as foster parents, the law seems purely punitive. In fact, the bill’s sponsor, state Sen. Curtis Peterson said at the time of its enactment that it was designed to tell all the homos: “We’re really tired of you. We wish you would get back into the closet.” His constituents down in Lakeland thought so highly of old Curt that they put his name on a park and a couple of buildings. The Almighty, however, was a bit less enamored, and returned Peterson to the store on July 19, 1996.

In Tampa this week, U.S. District Judge James Moody became the first federal magistrate to uphold the Defense of Marriage Act. Under the Act, any state can refuse to recognize same-sex marriages performed legally in other states. In the wake of Moody’s ruling, Nancy Wilson and Paula Schoenwether, together 27 years, must now decide whether to live without the rights afforded spouses (i.e. health insurance and tax benefits) or endure Massachusetts’ really crappy winters. As a matter of law, then, Florida homosexuals cannot be married or have children. But they can, until further appeal, drink themselves sick and lie in their own waste.