Better go with the chicken. The EPA announced that fish throughout the nation’s waterways are contaminated with mercury leading 48 states to issue warnings against consumption. New York (along with 18 other states) extended their advisory to every lake and stream under their aegis. EPA administrator Michael Levitt conceded that, “Mercury is everywhere. The more waters we monitor, the more we find.” Undaunted, Bush remains determined to increase mercury emissions fivefold if reelected. W., you have heard all week, is a man of conviction and principle. No flip-flopper, he’s nobly sticking to his guns despite the negligible benefits to Halliburton.

Well, the Republican delegates finally infested Gotham, and like participants in a Tom DeLay fundraiser, found themselves severely outnumbered by protesters. It is miraculous that New York’s men in blue can keep the peace given the attenuation of their resources. Both the Yankees and Mets play at home while the convention and the U.S. Open are in full swing. Moreover, Washington’s unfunded mandates and 17% reduction in funding for community law enforcement only adds to the strain. The dearth of terrorist activity visited upon our shores may seem to validate the administration’s insouciance but the effects of these budget cuts are manifest: With fewer cops on the beat, top line growth at Starbucks has slowed dramatically while profits at Krispy Kreme have been battered, cratering the company’s plans for expansion.

Ed Koch might be the hometown turncoat but he remains in the shadow of Georgia Senator Zell Miller. Miller, a Democrat, will be this year’s Republican keynote speaker despite having done so for his own party back in 1992. It is no great stretch that a couple of tottering old white guys preparing for their dirt naps would jettison concern for any “long-horizon” issues like education, the environment or mid-East stability. These guys want little more than a quick tax break, Medicare coverage of Depends and, perhaps, a small piece of history. Zell, who is thankfully retiring at the end of the year, can now stand shoulder to shoulder with Frank Robinson as the only other man to be MVP of both leagues. Koch, for his part, will probably be remembered for nothing more than fleeing Gracie Mansion right before Dinkins screwed everything up.

The masterful Karl Rove could sell a Toyota Prius to a Saudi prince and so it’s no shocker that he has successfully repackaged a deserter as a war hero. Lord knows that Bush can’t run on his record, so he sells himself as the candidate who can best thwart something that may or may not happen. What has occurred, however, is broad economic decay with the first net loss of jobs since Herbert Hoover’s presidency. During this administration, 1.2 million Americans have lost their jobs, 5.8 million have lost their health insurance and 4.3 million have slipped under the poverty line. Why, things have gotten so bad that, with the bounty of Christmas around the corner, Toys R Us is abandoning the toy business.

Some Wall Street analysts chalk up Toys’ demise to the hazards of competing with Wal-Mart. Bury them next to KB Toys and FAO Schwarz they say. But CEO John Eyler isn’t giving up; rather he’s reshaping the company around the highly profitable Babies R Us division. The two sectors, he noted, “operate in distinct markets, and are at fundamentally different phases in their growth cycle. Overall, the strategic plan we are pursuing is intended to enable Babies R Us to continue to prosper.” It’s a safe bet they will. Demographic trends (and economic necessity) show more women opting for a career and delaying marriage until the tail end of reproductive viability. As such, the market for babies is exploding.

Eyler seems to be on to something: Statistics show that one million U.S. teenagers – 78% percent of them without intent – become pregnant each year. Only half deliver a live birth and fewer than 10 percent of these babies are placed in adoptive homes. Older women, often flush with money, are desperately lining up at the cash register. Eyler notes, “Baby sales have been quite brisk and demand continues to grow unabated. By manufacturing these babies in Third-World countries, we are able to achieve huge operating margins unimaginable in the toy business.” Only in America.