On October 7th voters will decide whether or not to recall California Governor Gray Davis. The event, which could alter the political landscape of the entire country, was funded and organized by Darrell Issa, a former car thief and high school dropout. It’s no surprise with such a stellar résumé, which includes an arrest for possession of an unregistered handgun, that Mr. Issa is today a Republican Congressman. Having set his sights higher than four-on-the-floor, he now aspires to steal the Governorship. Many call his tactics mean-spirited and dirty, but they cannot compare to the way New Yorkers get rid of their politicians.
It’s official: W has notched more US military deaths in Iraq than the 147 amassed by his father during the Gulf War. A family spokesman described the former President (or, 41 as he is called in Crawford) as extremely proud. Yet, at this moment, can anyone be more enamored with his progeny than Saddam Hussein? His sons got their pictures in all the papers – splayed out dead in a field hospital, mind you, but still it makes an old man puff out his chest and strut around the courtyard. In the end, however, the Hussein boys are just statistics, numbers. Each son carried a $15 million bounty, so it follows that by killing them both the Pentagon saved over 20% of last week’s operational budget.
July 18th saw Hollywood rocked by the news of David Kelly’s suicide. True, “Ally McBeal” went from Emmy contender into the toilet bowl faster than Calista Flockhart can throw up three McGriddle sandwiches, but that was years ago. Fox executives were relieved to learn the deceased was a different David Kelly altogether, not a big shot producer but merely a British scientist and advisor to the Ministry of Defense. A former UN weapons inspector, Kelly was recently exposed as the BBC’s source for a report that the Blair government had knowingly magnified Iraq’s chemical- and biological-weapons capabilities. Only a week later, Colin McMillan, tapped as Bush’s new Secretary of the Navy, also died of an apparent suicide. Was this merely a bizarre coincidence? Senator Pete Domenici, a longtime friend, mused, “this is one you would never believe…” An assistant secretary of defense under Bush’s father, McMillan was a prominent oil executive may have been privy to Dick Cheney’s secret industry policy meetings.
Imagine that the idea of toppling Saddam came not from the Pentagon or the State Department but was the bastard child of the now infamous petroleum confab. Picture cowboy hats filling a smoky Oval Office with J.R. Ewing seeking to recover his campaign contributions by wresting those huge Iraqi oilfield contracts away from TotalFina. Someone blurts out, “dead or alive!” Cheney feverishly scribbles in his notebook. My God, are we are all victim of some great Halliburton legerdemain? Someone had better call William Morris and see if Sam Irvin is available. Stay Tuned.
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